I - I admit I grabbed it and it was, ah, um, there was no intention to - to do it - to stab her or anything but then in the heat of the moment it became, ah, clear to me that I had some kind of not - it was not like a thought to stab her it was more like a, um, a challenge. Not by me but by her. Oh, well, you know, 'Do it then,' and then it became egotistic, ah, like, ah, drunk, um, emotional, egotistical, knife in the hand - where's this going - and the fact that there's just so much trouble been in our relationship with other people and finances and this and that it's just blowing up and, ah, then she wanted the knife and I said, 'No, I'm not giving you the knife,' and then she stuck her hand out and said, 'I wanna die cut my arm.' I said, 'I'm not fuckin cutting your arm, all right. I'll put the knife away now.' I put the knife away and then she said, 'I want the knife; I want the knife,' and, ah, I can't remember exactly - I wish I - I wish I could remember. Maybe in time with a bit of counselling I can remember more about this part, um, but I can't remember. It was a - it's a fold out knife and I can't remember the lead up to it but at one point she's gone like that and I've just slashed her arm there - - -
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- - - and it opened up so much that I could see her - all her tendons and - oh, I'm guessing they're called tendons ... was cut. It was so deep that it must've been to the bone and in shock I've just thrown the knife on the ground, grabbed her, pulled her down, grabbed a rug, put it on her arm and grabbed the pillows and put the pillows on her and she's going, 'What are you doing, what are you doing?' and the blood was just gushing out of this and I said, 'Oh, look mate [you're] cut really bad,' and, um, I - like I put - I wanted to hold her down so I could patch this up it was so deep the cut - - -
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- - - and, ah, so I've sort of put two pillows underneath her, slipped 'em and held her head to hold her on the pillow so I could really wrap this around her - - -
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- - - and then there was like a rug, ah, Egyptian like rug thing - - -
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- - - um, and then I sort of held it down and could feel the warmth of the blood coming through and - and, ah, things didn't feel good and I was in a - in - in some form of state of shock there but, um, was in control to be able to - to - I thought well first thing's first is, ah, there was two pillow - normal sized pillows with pillow cases - - -
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- - - on there so I reached over while I'm talking to her and monitoring her face and I grabbed one pillow and sort of, ah, shook the, ah, pillow cover off there and actually, um, ah, tourniqueted her upper arm - - -
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- - - and pull - and pulled that tight with one hand and try and reduce the blood flow down to that part of the arm - - -
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- - - and then I grabbed the other pillow and she's gone, 'What are you doing, what are you doing, why are you doing that?' and I said that, ah, I guess maybe she was thinking the cut's down there and I said, 'Well that's just - just to - to slow the blood flow down to that part of your arm so you don't lose blood.' I said, 'You've got a very, very, very, very bad cut there,' and she said, 'I know I saw it,' and, um, um, then I grabbed the other pillow case and then sort of lifted the rug off and it actually at that point, ah, it was right open but it - - -
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- - - it wasn't gushing any blood at that particular point so then I sat the rug back down there and then flicked around with the tea towel trying to figure out how to tourniquet that properly and then - - -
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- - - I can't remember how I ended up, whether I took the rug away, but somehow I managed to bandage that up - - -
- - - and then, um, was speaking to her and, um, said, 'Okay, well - well I was in some sort of shock I just spoke to her for a second then, ah, ah, then we ended up in this - at this particular point we started arguing over who was the stronger person and she said, 'I'm the stronger person.' I said, 'I'm sick of this shit, Alana, you're not the stronger person. You gotta stop fucking getting us into this shit.' 'I am.' 'You're not.' 'I am.' 'You're not.' And then I just remember grabbing the knife and I sliced her neck twice.