(2) Except where the contrary intention appears, a reference in this Part to the spouse of an intestate includes a reference to a person who, at the time of death of the intestate, was the de facto spouse of the intestate ."
5 Section 4 of the Property (Relationships) Act 1984 (NSW) provides:
" 4 De facto relationships
(1) For the purposes of this Act, a de facto relationship is a relationship between two adult persons:
(a) who live together as a couple, and
(b) who are not married to one another or related by family.
(2) In determining whether two persons are in a de facto relationship, all the circumstances of the relationship are to be taken into account, including such of the following matters as may be relevant in a particular case:
(a) the duration of the relationship,
(b) the nature and extent of common residence,
(c) whether or not a sexual relationship exists,
(d) the degree of financial dependence or interdependence, and any arrangements for financial support, between the parties,
(e) the ownership, use and acquisition of property,
(f) the degree of mutual commitment to a shared life,
(g) the care and support of children,
(h) the performance of household duties,
(i) the reputation and public aspects of the relationship.
(3) No finding in respect of any of the matters mentioned in subsection (2) (a)-(i), or in respect of any combination of them, is to be regarded as necessary for the existence of a de facto relationship, and a court determining whether such a relationship exists is entitled to have regard to such matters, and to attach such weight to any matter, as may seem appropriate to the court in the circumstances of the case.
(4) Except as provided by section 6, a reference in this Act to a party to a de facto relationship includes a reference to a person who, whether before or after the commencement of this subsection, was a party to such a relationship. "
6 The plaintiff and the deceased kept separate houses. The plaintiff was divorced. She lived in her house in Turramurra with her son. The deceased lived with his brother in a house in Queens Park. The deceased lived with the plaintiff almost every weekend at her house in Turramurra. From time to time he also stayed with her on one week night. For the rest of the time he lived in the house he shared with his brother at Queens Park. The plaintiff rarely stayed there. As will appear in more detail in these reasons, the plaintiff and the deceased had a close personal and loving relationship for over 13 years. They were perceived by their circle of friends as a de facto couple. The deceased acted as a stepfather to the plaintiff's son. They attended social functions as partners. The deceased joined the plaintiff at gatherings of the plaintiff's family as her partner. The critical question in the case is whether, as the defendant submits, the deceased and the plaintiff could not be said to be living together as a couple given that the deceased stayed at the plaintiff's home on only one, two or three nights per week, but otherwise returned to his usual place of residence.
The parties' relationship
7 The plaintiff and the deceased met at a "singles" night on 11 December 1993. They later celebrated that day as their anniversary. At that time the plaintiff was 37 and the deceased was 47. For the entirety of their relationship until the deceased's death, he was employed as an electronics technician by a company called Aristocrat at Rosebery.
8 Within weeks of their initial meeting the plaintiff and the deceased commenced a sexual relationship which continued on a regular basis until the deceased became too unwell, but, even then, their physical relationship continued as best it could. From about June 1994 the deceased began to stay at the plaintiff's house in Turramurra every weekend and for one night during the week. The deceased would ordinarily stay at the plaintiff's house at Turramurra each weekend from Friday night until Monday morning. The deceased often worked overtime on Saturday mornings at Rosebery and on those occasions he would usually stay in his house at Queens Park on Friday night. The deceased was a very keen golfer. He regularly played golf on Saturdays at the Eastlakes course with his brother or with friends. He also played golf with the plaintiff on Sundays. Mr William Hoskovich, the deceased's brother agreed that it was not very often that the deceased would spend his weekend at Queens Park, rather than spending it with the plaintiff. Mostly the plaintiff and the deceased would spend Sundays at the plaintiff's house relaxing or gardening.
9 Up to about 2001 the deceased would usually spend Wednesday night with the plaintiff in her house at Turramurra and go directly to work the next morning. From about 2001 that arrangement became less regular.
10 The deceased had keys to the plaintiff's property at Turramurra. He kept both work and personal clothing and toiletries at her house. He also kept some of his tools there.
11 The plaintiff and the deceased did not acquire any property together. They did not have a joint bank account. Each had his and her separate employment. They shared their holidays together and made a number of international and interstate trips together. They shared expenses such as holidays, restaurants, dinner parties, barbecues, entertainment and gifts purchased for friends or family. They shared those expenses approximately equally.
12 The deceased carried out or supervised substantial renovations to the plaintiff's house at Turramurra. He spent substantial time carrying out maintenance, repairs and renovations. He and the plaintiff spent a lot of time gardening at that property. When he stayed at the Turramurra property the deceased and the plaintiff shared more or less equally the tasks of cleaning the house and laundry.
13 Although the deceased did not live with the plaintiff on week days, except sometimes for one day per week, they spoke over the telephone daily. They discussed their plans for the weekend and would talk to each other about personal or work related issues.
14 In 1995 the plaintiff and the deceased considered having children together. The plaintiff was then 39. They went to pre-conception counselling at a clinic at St. Leonards. They tried to conceive but were unsuccessful. The plaintiff deposed that over time they abandoned the idea, predominantly because she was concerned about her age.
15 Notwithstanding her divorce from Mr Geoff Vaughan, the plaintiff remained on excellent terms with Mr Vaughan's parents and his siblings. Her relationship with Mr Vaughan also remained friendly. The plaintiff, her son and the deceased attended the Vaughan family Christmas eve celebrations every year, except in 2006 when they were holidaying in America. The deceased also attended other Vaughan family functions with the plaintiff. Mr Raymond Vaughan, the plaintiff's father-in-law, regarded the plaintiff and the deceased as de facto spouses and regarded the deceased as a member of their extended family. The plaintiff and the deceased frequently visited a farm owned by Mr and Mrs Vaughan senior near Orange. The deceased also attended at gatherings of the plaintiff's extended family as the plaintiff's partner.
16 There was not the same integration with the deceased's family. The plaintiff saw William Hoskovich, the deceased's brother, from time to time. The plaintiff and the deceased had their own circle of friends. The deceased did not introduce the plaintiff to his parents. He told the plaintiff that his mother was heartbroken when his last relationship ended and did not want to be involved in any other relationship he had. On Christmas day the deceased would usually visit his parents in the morning and then return in time to attend family functions with the plaintiff's parents, her siblings and their spouses and children.
17 The plaintiff's son, Mark, gave evidence, which I accept, that he regarded the deceased in every respect as a stepfather. He deposed that:
" Very early [on] I started to call him 'Dad'. He would say to me that he would never replace my real Dad and we were 'best mates'. 'Best mates' is the term that Steve and I used to refer to each other for the time up until his death. "
18 The deceased attended Mark's major school events including fundraising nights, quiz nights, gala days and sports trials. He attended with the plaintiff the welcoming event for parents and children when Mark started in year 5 at a private school on the North Shore. The deceased taught Mark to play golf and tennis and encouraged his studies and music.
19 In December 2002 the deceased was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Following a period of treatment including chemotherapy he returned to work in April 2003. He was treated by a medical specialist in haematology, Dr Robert Lindeman. The plaintiff attended the deceased at most of the deceased's consultations with Dr Lindeman and contributed to the discussion about decisions that needed to be made about the deceased's treatment at various times. Dr Lindeman deposed that the plaintiff played an integral part of the discussions about the deceased's treatment throughout the period of his treatment. He assumed that they were either married or were a couple in a de facto relationship. Apart from the deceased himself, the plaintiff was Dr Lindeman's first point of contact in relation to the deceased's treatment. He discussed the deceased's treatment with the plaintiff as he would with a spouse of any patient. The deceased expressed no objection to Dr Lindeman's dealing with the plaintiff in that way and appeared to be very happy with her support and assistance.
20 In her oral evidence the plaintiff said that on at least two occasions (one before their trip to Canada and the United States in 2006-2007 and one after) the deceased convalesced at her Turramurra home after leaving hospital. She put the period of convalescence at which he stayed at her home as a day or two, or a few days. Although that evidence was not given in her affidavit, I accept it. It was corroborated by her son Mark. The explanation for its not being in her affidavit was that she prepared her affidavit with the assistance of a diary and she had not noted it in her diary. I accept that explanation. I thought the plaintiff was a credible witness.
21 The plaintiff produced a vast quantity of Christmas cards, most of which are addressed "To dear Janet, Steve and Mark" or "To Janet, Steve and Mark", with some addressed "To dear Janet, Mark and Steve". They strongly indicate that the plaintiff and the deceased were perceived by their friends as a de facto partners.
22 The plaintiff and the deceased jointly bought a dog to whose welfare they were equally attached. The plaintiff gave evidence that she and the deceased discussed plans for retirement after Mark finished his studies and became completely independent. She deposed that they planned to find a place on the south coast to which to retire. There was evidence from the defendant's witnesses that the deceased made no mention of any such plans to them. I accept the plaintiff's evidence that she and the deceased did have such discussions.
23 The plaintiff and the deceased separated for about a month in 2002. The cause of the separation was disagreement about the deceased's wish to play in a golfing competion that would mean that he was away almost every weekend for about three months. The plaintiff said to the deceased that if he entered the competition they would hardly see each other and she would have to be doubtful about his commitment to their relationship. There was an argument and the deceased said words to the effect "I'm leaving now. I think we need a break to think things over. I'm not prepared to give up the competition." Some weeks later, at the deceased's suggestion, they had dinner and reconciled. The deceased did not play in the competition.
24 At this time another man wanted to have a relationship with the plaintiff. She had had dinner at his house on a couple of occasions, but their relationship had not gone beyond that. The plaintiff prepared notes in which amongst other things she set out her perception of the qualities of the two men and what she wished for. Included in the notes was the following:
" Me