Things that would have been small or irrelevant to me prior to the assault, I now find have a greater effect on me. The smallest things or events can trigger emotions in me that confuse me and greatly upset me .... . I can be watching my grandchildren play and just start sobbing. I am unsure why I'm doing this and it concerns my children greatly when it occurs in front of them.
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Since the assault I have taken up residence in my daughter's house and both my daughter ... and my son ... have taken on what I see as caring roles. It upsets me that I have become dependent on them to assist me and feel that I am a burden on their already busy lives, when prior to the assault, I was an independent man.
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My relationship with my grandchildren has changed since the assault. ....I have always been the poppy that the kids could jump on, play fight with and have a good laugh with. ... It angers and saddens me now to think, my grandchildren see me as a fragile old poppy and no longer see me as the active, healthy, fun-loving poppy I used to be.
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I think most people would assume when heading out for a day on the golf course with your family/friends that you would be in a safe environment ... . This has taught me that I'm never safe ... . I am now hesitant to go play a game of golf. I look at the golf course and I see that it's open to anyone to enter and I'm vulnerable there at all times. ... I'm saddened greatly that I now feel this way [about golf which] brought me [great] pleasure [over] the years.
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The vision of me on the ground with blood pouring out of my head haunts [my brother Lionel]. ... As brothers, we regularly played a game of golf together and enjoyed spending the quality time together. It saddens me greatly that something we treasured turned into a nightmare for him.
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I'm a changed man since that day, although it hasn't killed me, it has emotionally and mentally. It has taken my health and contributed to me aging quickly. I feel like the out-going, funny, loving man is gone. The active golfer, the fun poppy, the independent, reliable father no longer exists. I feel like my life is ending on an emotional, confusing roller coaster.