"Dear Maxim & Gerry
I was really glad to see you the other evening - sorry about the late arrival/dinner - there was so much I wanted to tell you/find out ...
Hope you liked Floriade (pitty [sic] about the bloody weather, but "spring" in Canberra is like that - unpredictable & often miserable, despite the appearance of pleasantness: much like the people/society here!!). I'd hoped you'd have come up my way to Cockington Green, etc.
What I'm trying to say is I'm seriously disturbed about my future & I want to nail this estate thing down so tight not even a cockroach could crawl in ... & there are plenty of them who are my enemies (once they were "friends"/"family") in this place!
I want you to know 2 things:
(1) The first is that only one person in my life at the moment is worth anything & I intend to see that she's set up, as her hopeless, but also victimised, husband will never be capable of keeping her in her old age - he's got nothing now & he never will, once his parents find out why he's a loser. Yet my friend Terri (who I've known since Robert was in pre-school with her 2 boys ... & they deserted her too) was & always has stuck by me & I've never been able to do anything much for her (not as much as she's done for me). So there goes half of whatever's going to be left of my estate when I go.
(2) The second half, I've willed back to you & John as my mother's only surviving sibling's children ... & of course your kids as well.
Believe me I know my past "independent" lifestyle & "individualism" has not been good for me - but neither has the six years & its abrupt climax with someone whom I trusted to be good to me! She, like my son, could & may very well, make a claim on my estate - that's where you come in.
As my mother trusted you (& your father), so I'm going to have to make a trust too! My accountants are Perpetual Trustees & although they have taken a lot of the burden of managing the finer points of my estate on board over the last 16+ years, they are not what they claim to be - (nor do they want to be) estate managers - they only want the trusteeship & anything between family must be done by that/those families - they don't really even want to be involved in wills (except for giving advice - usually 3rd hand!). One piece of advice that they passed on from the solicitors was about setting up a "DISCRETIONARY TRUST". However, neither the solicitors, nor anyone anywhere in the PTA organisation can advise me on how to set one up, the cost, the implications, etc. - except that it would prevent further claims on my estate from anyone NOT mentioned as a beneficiary in my will!
This is the crux of the problem. Either the estate goes the way I want or every bastard & bitch who knows anything of my affairs could get their grubby hands on it once they're through killing me emotionally/psychologically, if not actually physically (although they all know I've done that much already!!!) My only defence is non-committal, self-preservation in future!
I once wanted something good (even EVERYTHING in my wild moments) out of life - now that I have nothing left, all I want is OUT**!**
The only peace of mind I'll ever have is to know that the things my mother struggled to leave me won't be squandered like pearls before swine (I've already done enough damage to her memory/things) without that on my conscience as well!!
I cannot know what I will do with what I've EARNED, but I do want to know what I can do with what I inherited (& ran off with): I feel guilty & ashamed of my life, where once I was really gonna show you all that I wasn't just a drop-out, a fool, a no-hoper, etc. (Pride cometh before a fall, etc, etc.)
Now all my efforts have come to nothing ... I have a son who hates my guts & a series of women who either made me into a fool or want my testicles (or money) on a plate! As for "friends" - they'd prefer to to [sic] believe the other side - my story is too bizarre (& I thought I had some broadminded mates, ha!!)
I hope you don't think I've done anything to deserve any of this - cause believe me I haven't. I never wanted nor intended things in my life to turn into disaster; they just naturally do!?!
Anytime I expressed any anger or resentment at my circumstances - or even being pushed around - I was type-caste as the ...... [FILL IN THE BLANK] (whatever)!
My (good/professional) reputation only hinged on my career & my skills over the last few years - now that's all gone, so am I ... if I don't get out of Canberra very shortly, I'm not going to be responsible for what I'll do.
I shouldn't write (say) any more ... it's been physically, as well as emotionally, painful thus far. Should you need to, please contact Mr Stephen Kellett at Perpetual Trustees (Canberra), 10 Rudd St Canberra City 2601 (ph: 248 7977) & he'll fill you in ... re will/estate.
In the meantime, I want you to keep this letter in a safe place & make sure you get down to see me again soon as I need someone to look after all the stuff I'm going to have to put side as "family heirlooms". (Jeannette Duschansue, my cousin on my father's side may also be able to assist with stuff I have from Dad's side.)
When I move (even to the coast) it won't be "home" - ie. I won't be taking any baggage from the past from now on! And I may move very often if I get my "package" ...
There's one more thing I must ask of you.
Please excuse the disgusting writing/spelling as I haven't done much in the past 9 months ... & they expect me to just fall back into work again (this is being done with a splint & a lot of wine & painkillers!!!?).
I've a very short fuse (almost non-existent) but I know what I'm saying & I hope it makes sense to you - if there are any gaps, please give me a call (preferably of an evening - by the way, if I'm in Moruya the no. is (044) 74 2874).
Regards & hope to see you again soon ...
Your cousin, David." (The emphases in the letter are that of the testator.)