(a) At the time the abuse was actually occurring I did not know what to do in order to stop it or who to turn to for help. My childhood and innocence were taken away from me. I developed a distrust of others and that distrust carried on over the years resulting in my being a 'loner' with few friends. The distrust and lack of respect I felt particularly towards older people persists today.
(b) The issue of pregnancy was mentioned by the respondent on at least one occasion while he was abusing me. I really did not understand how having sex with the respondent could make me pregnant but it was something which worried me greatly. I knew what was happening was bad. I remember often standing in front of the mirror concerned as to whether I was putting on weight and whether I might have fallen pregnant.
(c) After the abuse stopped, I found that the effects of what had happened to me did not go away as I had initially thought they would. The actual ongoing abuse might have stopped but the problems did not.
(d) Throughout my adolescent years I remained isolated and ashamed. I wanted to talk to my parents or to someone else about what had been done to me and how I continued feeling so cheap. However, I somehow believed that I was guilty. I was ashamed. I remained distant from my father and I simply could not bring myself to raise the subject with my mother.
(e) Over the years I suffered many nightmares and disturbed sleeping patterns.
(f) Although I consider myself to be quite bright, at school I simply couldn't cope. I could not make friends, I could not concentrate, I always 'downgraded' myself (something which I continue to do), I could not put the issues of the sexual abuse behind me.
(g) In my teenage years I felt very much on the outer and being a person of 'no account'. I was ashamed and disgusted of what I had been involved in. I would often cry alone.
(h) During my teenage years in particular, I felt like a person living 'on the edge'. I always had a sense of 'nervousness'; I was anxious, I was uncertain, I felt stressed.